Thanksgiving a man's holiday,
and what the heck is a giblet?
By Emmett Burnett
Thanksgiving is a man’s holiday. All men have to do is show up.
Think about it:
- Christmas – As the sun rises December 25, dad assembles Barbie’s Dream House, more difficult than building his own home. He erects swing sets containing 5,000 screws – 3,000 fitting nothing. And he joins fellow men in line for purchasing batteries in one of three Alabama stores opened on Christmas Eve.
- New Year’s Eve – The man is responsible for fireworks. He gleefully ignites bottle rockets, detonates firecrackers, and launches missile strikes on neighbors. Many wives photograph their husbands’ love of backyard explosives. It is a bittersweet time as many of these women will soon be widows.
But Thanksgiving is a male thing. There are no Christmas tree lights to untangle, no sweating over July 4 charcoal. All summer I witnessed forgotten Easter eggs explode under my lawnmower.
Not today.
This is Thanksgiving, the day to milk the “helpless male” stereotype for all it's worth. Want me to cook? Sure! What’s a giblet? Can we stuff the turkey with pretzels? Beer contains barley; does that make Budweiser a vegetable? This and other inquiries usually result in a wife’s “Forget it, go watch the Macy’s Parade.” For this I am thankful. Here are other things I’m thankful for:
- Most of all, I am thankful for a great wife, wonderful kids, and grandchildren who like me, are simply adorable and humble.
- I’m thankful for Nancy Pelosi, and the lack there of, when Republicans seized The House of Representatives. This Congressional "leader" actually said, “We won’t know what is in the Health Care Bill until it’s passed.” Here’s something that didn’t pass, Speaker Pelosi – your job. We give thanks.
- I’m thankful for Ouchless Bandaids. In front of grandchildren, these special adhesive pads make me look macho while ripping one off my chest. Just wish it didn’t display Pebbles Flintstone’s picture.
- Thank you Governor-Elect Robert Bentley, you’re about as exciting as Public Television. Compared to you, I’m a hot fudge sundae and you’re shredded wheat. Never change.
- Give thanks for Social Media. Currently I have 120 friends on Facebook.That’s about 90 more than I have outside of Facebook.
- I’m thankful for living in a state with political offices held by people with names like Twinkle Cunningham and Young Boozer.
And finally, (and seriously) I’m thankful for dodging two bullets in the Gulf of Mexico.
- One - This year we faced losing our beaches to an oil spill. It was bad but it was stopped.
- Two - like it does every year, the National Hurricane Center predicted Armageddon with major storms seizing coastal Alabama. Not one hurricane hit us. Give Thanks.
Between the meals, football games and parades on this holiday, take time to be grateful for all the blessings in your life. Happy Thanksgiving. And what are giblets?
(Burnett has been a freelance writer in Mobile for more than 20 years. For more information, visit his website.)
