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Church Bulletin Bloopers

(They're back! Church Bulletin Board Bloopers. Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced during church services)

The fasting and prayer conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water". The sermon tonight:  "Searching for Jesus"

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of pastor Jack's sermons.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the Church hall...Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?".  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies bible study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the BS is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low self esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I upped my pledge; up yours!"